Exposing the heart to empathy is a sign of strength
Dr. Brené Brown grew up believing that illness is a weakness. She saw sickness, unreliability, and untrustworthiness as unwanted identities, so she had to unlearn and fight against their deceptiveness. After accidentally hitting her head on a glass wall, she learned how illness does not imply laziness. She suffered a concussion and discovered that the more she tried to force healing, the more setbacks she experienced. Giving herself more time to heal and not being ashamed, even though she had so many appointments and engaging activities ahead, was a challenging mindset to achieve.
Shame arises when we feel that something we have done makes us unworthy of connection. It displays itself in various forms, such as doing something unnecessary, not contributing to an evolving organization, shouting at our kids, getting sacked, or hiding an addiction. Labeling shame as embarrassment, guilt, or humiliation is dangerous because it diminishes our empathy toward others experiencing these emotions.
⚡️Having conversations about shame will improve the quality of our lives.
Daring leaders are committed to not using guilt to achieve results. When firing an employee, giving them a way out with dignity is essential. Be authentic when you experience shame. Do not sacrifice your values; be more courageous, compassionate, and connected after the experience.
When someone is experiencing a sad situation, it is often better to agree that the problem hurts rather than trying to make things better by saying something to minimize the pain. When Dr. Brené Brown missed her daughter Ellen’s final field hockey game in high school, Suzanne, the organization’s president and COO, empathized with her in ways she never imagined possible. Despite all the planning to ensure she was there to cheer her daughter on, all efforts went awry. She cried her eyes out and expressed her utmost dissatisfaction, but Suzanne did not try to engage in comparative suffering.
She empathized by connecting to the emotions she was experiencing and using the right words to convey care.