Healing shouldn’t be rushed as it is designed to happen gradually
Though we live in a time, place, and culture that tries to tell us otherwise, suffering is bound to happen when we experience truly horrible things. The feeling of hurt is one thing every human has had to experience one way or the other and people deal with hurt differently.
And while some people try to invalidate other people’s pain by suggesting they should be over it quickly, you shouldn’t listen to them. Ignore people who suggest you should be over the pain from a loved one’s death. The people that squawk the loudest about such things have almost never had to get over anything genuinely and soul-crushingly life-altering.
Some of those people probably mean well. Some indeed believe they are being helpful by minimizing your pain while others are scared of the intensity of your loss and so, they use words to push your grief away.
⚡️Many people love you and are worthy of your love, but you need to come to terms with the fact that some of them are not helpful to you when it comes to healing the pain of loss.
You can help yourself find true healing by:
Finding your tribe: Look for support groups for people who are dealing with the same kind of pain as you. The healing power that comes with relating to someone who understands precisely what you’re talking about because he or she experienced the same thing cannot be overestimated.
Talking to your significant other: Stop pretending to be fine when you’re with your spouse. Open up to him or her. Listen to his or her experiences. In all your quest for healing, don’t shut your partner out.
Seeing a therapist: A therapist will help you air and examine the complex grief you’re holding so tightly inside you and also help you manage your depression.
Follow these guidelines to get unstuck. Not so you can get away from the person you loved, but so you can live the life that is yours — one that includes the sad loss of that loved one but is not arrested or restrained by it.
The place of true healing is a fierce place. It is a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light, and you have to work really hard to get there. But you can do it.